The Talk Feedback

[Jay_Quessir]

Please comment on my Fic:) Tell me what you thought! Did you laugh?

Here it is:
http://annemccaffreyfans.org/forum/showthread.php?p=60992#post60992

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

Well I was a bit surprised with the frankness of it, but thats not necessarily bad, it's something that needs to be taught. Just something I don't usually see on Forums. I liked the little comments that Elwith added now and then that was funny. But I laughed so hard when I heard what Carl named them, that takes guts to write :rofl: :evil: I thought you did a pretty good job, but would be better if you'd added more of the emotional aspect of it, there is so much more to sex than the mechanics.

[Jay_Quessir]

Thanks ;)

I'm glad it made you laugh. BTW, in case I failed to mention it, it was a co-fic b/w myself and a friend named Nya. I was Carl and she was P'tius. :) I dug this up from the depths of my computer and thought y'all might enjoy it. It was meant to be frank. That's really what makes it so funny at times. God, I can't tell you how many times a busted out laughing while trying to either respond or read some of that stuff. I had to get up and leave. That was one of the funnest fics I've ever done.

[Brenda]

If you're interested in editing - I noticed a few discrepancies.

Basically, if they both knew they would be having this type of discussion, why would they be sitting out in a room full of people? A crowd gathers... weyrlings look strangely at them... I can't believe they wouldn't want to have The Talk in private.

The other thing is, this seems pretty advanced scientifically - if it's pre-AIVAS. I doubt they knew much about "hormonal urges" or the female's egg. More just like, If you do it right, a baby will start to grow in her - not - If you do it right, the egg will be fertilized.

Also, I don't think Carl should stop being hostile quite so abruptly.

[Jay_Quessir]

Thanks...

but in truth, the talk was meant to be there for a comedy thing in the first place. :)

Other than that, thanks. It really wasn't all that meant for Pern...It kinda was but it was an alternative to actually giving the talk...really funny idea on Nya's side...

:)

[Kalli]

Hey I remember this! LOL! :laugh:

[Jay_Quessir]

? Kalli? What is your SF name?

[Kalli]

You may have known me as Jillian at SFW. My chars (then- I've added a couple more) were Marlisa, and J'ran. :D

[Jay_Quessir]

oh yeah!!!!!!!!!! hey!

[Ryuu]

The other thing is, this seems pretty advanced scientifically - if it's pre-AIVAS. I doubt they knew much about "hormonal urges" or the female's egg. More just like, If you do it right, a baby will start to grow in her - not - If you do it right, the egg will be fertilized.It could've possibly be set in the First Pass, where some of the older folk might still have knowledge, but the youngsters are loosing opportunities for getting the info. :2cent: