jen
15th December 2004, 01:39 PM
College Paper written by my son for a lit class
Plus Twenty-Nine Genji of Smiting
Yuago
"Mwahaha," said the vindictive dungeon master as he wrote the story, "They want intertextuallity!? I’ll give them all the intertextuallity they can handle…"
"Finally," thought Genji, "we can be alone together. Wait! What was that?" he said this last part aloud.
"It was just a cricket," said Yuago
"Oh, thank goodness. Now what was I… what was that?"
"It was just a bird," said a three headed monkey who happened by.
"Ok, as long as it was just a bird. Well, let’s go inside," dictated Genji imperiously. As he began walking, a giant pile of skulls appeared before him. "Ah hah!" said Genji, "Good thing I have my giant-pile-of-skulls-slaying glare ability! It’s got a plus twenty-nine against giant piles of skulls!" Genji glared at the skulls, which promptly vanished.
Genji and Yuago were just about to enter the house, when a sinister figure dropped from the sky. "WOE… UNTO… THEE!" said the sinister figure.
"Oh, no! It’s the dreaded woe kitten! Does anyone have an ocelot on them?" shrieked Genji. "That’s the only way we can destroy it! The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom told me so last week over a cup of tea," he quietly confided to Yuago. "No? No ocelots in the house? Are you sure? Positive? Surely Positive? What kind of house is it that doesn’t have a single ocelot anywhere?"
"I don’t have an ocelot," said Zifnab, who randomly walked up at that moment, dressed in his usual mouse-colored robes and battered hat, "but I do have this spell… what was its name again? Furball? Cat? Did I have a cat? No, wait! I have it! Fire extinguisher! Hmmm, no, but I think that’s closer. Needs bat dung and some sulpher…"
Ignoring the rambling old man, Yuago reached into her purse and pulled out an ocelot.
"How did you… never mind," said Genji. He took the ocelot from Yuago and through it at the Woe Kitten, which exploded. Music began playing. A random menu appeared in front of Genji. "You received 4 AP. You received 2097 exp. You found 40000 gil. You found 2 Pheonix downs. Take All? Leave?" Genji, thinking hard, chose "Take All."
The Dreaded Woe Kitten defeated, Genji and Yuago continued their quest to get inside the house. In the frozen lands of Nador, they were forced to eat Genji’s minstrels. And there was much rejoicing. Finally, after a nasty encounter with a rabbit, they reached the house (again). Upon entering, Genji once again started at a small noise.
"What was that?" he asked.
"Nothing," said a lamp near Genji.
"Oh, well that’s such a relief," said Genji, "Come dear, let’s go"
"But…" said Yuago, looking at the lamp.
"Look, the lamp said that it was nothing, so it must be nothing!" said Genji, dragging Yuago away from the lamp.
Intermission
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
During the intermission, Genji and Yuago finally finished their quest. You missed the most interesting part of the entire story. All because of intertextuallity. Don’t you feel silly now? Oh, hey, the show’s almost over. Better hurry up and get in more random and obscure references.
"So, the quest is over. What do you want to do now?" Genji asked Yuago. "Wait, what was that?"
"It’s just the wind…" said Yuago.
"Oh, just the wind… THE WIND!? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! AHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!"
"Genji, you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it" said Arthur Dent.
"Yeah, just remember. When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon, you just have to outrun the Halfling," said Gandalf the Grey.
"What is that supposed to mean?" screamed Genji.
"Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger," replied Gandalf.
"Genji, I am you’re father," said Darth Vader.
Just then (before we can get any weirder), Genji ran across Yuago again. She was dead. "Ah hah!" said Genji, "This is obviously the work of old lady Rokujo."
"Ruh, row, " said Scooby Doo.
Who you gonna call?! Ghostbusters! Doo Doo, Doo Doo, Doo Doo Doo… erm.. ahem, yes.
Instead of calling the Ghostbusters, like he should have, he called Bones.
"She’s dead, Jim, I mean Genji," said Bones.
"Well, can’t you cure her?" asked Genji.
"I’m a doctor, not an exorcist!" said Bones.
"Well, what about Cadderly Bonaduce?" asked Genji.
"Did somebody say donuts?" asked Homer Simpson.
"I’ll take swords for two-hundred!" shouted Sean Connery
"That’s s-words," said Alex Trebek
Thankfully, before any more random cameo appearances could occur, the story ended. What? You want more? How could you possibly want more? Are you insane? Fine, here’s what happened. Genji got sad, almost died, but then he didn’t. The story went on and on, and Yuago was basically never ever mentioned again, because Genji instantly falls in love with any woman he sees. The End. Really. I mean it. There’s no more. None. I’m going to stop writing now. Riiiight… now. What, you’re still reading? I said I was going to stop, but you kept reading. Why? Do you think there’s going to be some special funny thing at the end as a prize for reading all of this? There won’t be. So just stop. I don’t reward persistence. It’s annoying. Why must you keep reading? I can’t stop writing until you stop reading? So stop. Please? Ok, fine, if I put in one last random intertextual reference, will you stop? Ok, good. Here it is. SHOW ME POTATO SALAD! (Points off into the distance, and while you’re looking, runs away)
Plus Twenty-Nine Genji of Smiting
Yuago
"Mwahaha," said the vindictive dungeon master as he wrote the story, "They want intertextuallity!? I’ll give them all the intertextuallity they can handle…"
"Finally," thought Genji, "we can be alone together. Wait! What was that?" he said this last part aloud.
"It was just a cricket," said Yuago
"Oh, thank goodness. Now what was I… what was that?"
"It was just a bird," said a three headed monkey who happened by.
"Ok, as long as it was just a bird. Well, let’s go inside," dictated Genji imperiously. As he began walking, a giant pile of skulls appeared before him. "Ah hah!" said Genji, "Good thing I have my giant-pile-of-skulls-slaying glare ability! It’s got a plus twenty-nine against giant piles of skulls!" Genji glared at the skulls, which promptly vanished.
Genji and Yuago were just about to enter the house, when a sinister figure dropped from the sky. "WOE… UNTO… THEE!" said the sinister figure.
"Oh, no! It’s the dreaded woe kitten! Does anyone have an ocelot on them?" shrieked Genji. "That’s the only way we can destroy it! The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom told me so last week over a cup of tea," he quietly confided to Yuago. "No? No ocelots in the house? Are you sure? Positive? Surely Positive? What kind of house is it that doesn’t have a single ocelot anywhere?"
"I don’t have an ocelot," said Zifnab, who randomly walked up at that moment, dressed in his usual mouse-colored robes and battered hat, "but I do have this spell… what was its name again? Furball? Cat? Did I have a cat? No, wait! I have it! Fire extinguisher! Hmmm, no, but I think that’s closer. Needs bat dung and some sulpher…"
Ignoring the rambling old man, Yuago reached into her purse and pulled out an ocelot.
"How did you… never mind," said Genji. He took the ocelot from Yuago and through it at the Woe Kitten, which exploded. Music began playing. A random menu appeared in front of Genji. "You received 4 AP. You received 2097 exp. You found 40000 gil. You found 2 Pheonix downs. Take All? Leave?" Genji, thinking hard, chose "Take All."
The Dreaded Woe Kitten defeated, Genji and Yuago continued their quest to get inside the house. In the frozen lands of Nador, they were forced to eat Genji’s minstrels. And there was much rejoicing. Finally, after a nasty encounter with a rabbit, they reached the house (again). Upon entering, Genji once again started at a small noise.
"What was that?" he asked.
"Nothing," said a lamp near Genji.
"Oh, well that’s such a relief," said Genji, "Come dear, let’s go"
"But…" said Yuago, looking at the lamp.
"Look, the lamp said that it was nothing, so it must be nothing!" said Genji, dragging Yuago away from the lamp.
Intermission
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo
Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
During the intermission, Genji and Yuago finally finished their quest. You missed the most interesting part of the entire story. All because of intertextuallity. Don’t you feel silly now? Oh, hey, the show’s almost over. Better hurry up and get in more random and obscure references.
"So, the quest is over. What do you want to do now?" Genji asked Yuago. "Wait, what was that?"
"It’s just the wind…" said Yuago.
"Oh, just the wind… THE WIND!? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! AHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!"
"Genji, you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it" said Arthur Dent.
"Yeah, just remember. When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon, you just have to outrun the Halfling," said Gandalf the Grey.
"What is that supposed to mean?" screamed Genji.
"Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger," replied Gandalf.
"Genji, I am you’re father," said Darth Vader.
Just then (before we can get any weirder), Genji ran across Yuago again. She was dead. "Ah hah!" said Genji, "This is obviously the work of old lady Rokujo."
"Ruh, row, " said Scooby Doo.
Who you gonna call?! Ghostbusters! Doo Doo, Doo Doo, Doo Doo Doo… erm.. ahem, yes.
Instead of calling the Ghostbusters, like he should have, he called Bones.
"She’s dead, Jim, I mean Genji," said Bones.
"Well, can’t you cure her?" asked Genji.
"I’m a doctor, not an exorcist!" said Bones.
"Well, what about Cadderly Bonaduce?" asked Genji.
"Did somebody say donuts?" asked Homer Simpson.
"I’ll take swords for two-hundred!" shouted Sean Connery
"That’s s-words," said Alex Trebek
Thankfully, before any more random cameo appearances could occur, the story ended. What? You want more? How could you possibly want more? Are you insane? Fine, here’s what happened. Genji got sad, almost died, but then he didn’t. The story went on and on, and Yuago was basically never ever mentioned again, because Genji instantly falls in love with any woman he sees. The End. Really. I mean it. There’s no more. None. I’m going to stop writing now. Riiiight… now. What, you’re still reading? I said I was going to stop, but you kept reading. Why? Do you think there’s going to be some special funny thing at the end as a prize for reading all of this? There won’t be. So just stop. I don’t reward persistence. It’s annoying. Why must you keep reading? I can’t stop writing until you stop reading? So stop. Please? Ok, fine, if I put in one last random intertextual reference, will you stop? Ok, good. Here it is. SHOW ME POTATO SALAD! (Points off into the distance, and while you’re looking, runs away)