Ghosts of the Past

[Silver]

please be honest, but please be tactful.... I'm awfully nervous about this story and I don't know where's it's headed!

[Shalyn]

Your story seems interesting. I see you do something that I do often - you're writing "passively" instead of "actively". However, since I am guilty of doing that I really don't know what you need to do to fix it. But someone else might.

This one sentence here doesn't make sense: If she had a coven, maybe she would have some help and protection, possibly even some help. I'm sure seeing it alone, you will see what I mean.

The only other piece I see that needs work is your segue to Allen. You move to him abruptly. Maybe start that paragraph out with "She thought back to her ex-lover, the cause of all her trouble. His name was Allen."

It will be interesting to see where this is going.

[Silver]

thanks! I fixed some things and put in a part that I guess didn't get copied and pasted with the rest so maybe it's a little bit better now.