Untitled Story

[Kater]

This is a story I've been working on for awhile. I got some really nice comments on the other board. Thanx all :)

[AnnMarie]

Interesting look at a future society, family dynamics, and all, Sis! :ok:

[Kater]

Well I just added a bit more. I've done some reworking on the part already posted but I'm not going to repost it as this point. :) Thanx to all for the comments they've been helpful :)

[Albie]

Hi,

I haven't been here for a while so I was able to read what you have posted in one sitting and I LOVE IT!! It was with a real OH NO that I got to the end of the post and there wasn't any more.

I did pick up a few spelling errors along the way, normally the wrong spelling/meaning of a word which broke the flow a bit but otherwise great! It flowed well with great ideas and interesting characters.

PLEASE POST MORE!!

Regards,

Allan :wave: :applause:

[Nurianna]

AArrrggghhhhlsdl;k!! YOU Stopped!!!


:breath: dont panic....

only one error? cass is the middle child, when talking about shawns friends you flipped their ages... or I read it backwards.. and one other instance near there where the birth order seemed muddled... but I cant remember the line.. sry~

sooooooo I'll be stopping by to seeee if you've added more~ sigh.. :waiting:

lol
:applause: :bow: :applause:

[Nurianna]

nice.... good argument, nice bit of bite~


one thing.... when peeps agree they nod their heads, shaking is negative~

keep it up Kater~ I like it!

[Kater]

Well I've added a bit more. Didn't realize how lax I had been in updating it online!! I had written almost doubled the size of the story since my last posting. There have been changes and updates to the earlier posts thanx to comments made here but I didn't feel the need to repost. I know there is one error near the end of this posting and it has already been corrected in my working version!!

Enjoy! :)

[Sarah]

more please!!!
Great story, I couldn't stop reading it but ther was just one thing I picked up on.
"As we were just about to finish up Cas walked into the room and just stood there looking at us. If I was eight then he must have been twelve."
I thought Shawan was the eldest.

[Kater]

Sarah,

Shawan is the eldest. If I'm thinking about the right place in the story Kala was sitting at a table with some friends of hers who she had over to visit and Cas was looking at them. Casio is 4 years older then Kala and Shawan is 5 years older then Casio.

[Sarah]

Hehehehe Opps Sorry
Jezz I got that wrong. Great story thought when are you adding more?

[Kater]

Hehehehe Opps Sorry
Jezz I got that wrong. Great story thought when are you adding more?

Hehehe! Not a problem! (I had to go back and find it myself to make sure I got it right!! :shhh: ) Hopefully I'll be adding more soon. I haven't written much since the last post so it may be awhile again ;)

[Kater]

Just added another section. Hope you enjoy.

[Brenda]

One thing that would make it easier to read would be if you put spaces between paragraphs. It's hard to focus when it's all smooshed together.

[Kater]

One thing that would make it easier to read would be if you put spaces between paragraphs. It's hard to focus when it's all smooshed together.

It's about as spaced out as it can be Brenda. Spaces between all paragraphs now.

[Kater]

I've just added a new section of the story if anyone is still interested.

[Kater]

Just added some more. Enjoy :)

[Brenda]

A thought - if you ever do come up with a title for your story, you can always ask a host to change the title of the thread!

[Kater]

A thought - if you ever do come up with a title for your story, you can always ask a host to change the title of the thread!

Once I get there I will Brenda. I'm busy working on the story though ;)

[Kater]

If anyone is interested I just added another section of the story.