General Feedback

[Anareth]

Okay, is it too much to ask that people not be obviously writing as they post? It's really annoying to read stories that are obviously being written a paragraph at the time. It also makes stories flow better if you write them out first.

[Monkeysrule]

I write just for fun. I enjoy developing the story as it goes along. And I can sometimes be intimidated by really long posts. I like reading and writing in snippets.

Sorry for the inconvenience. :O

[Anareth]

That's fine, that you write for fun, but it's not really an excuse to be sloppy unless you just stick a story in a drawer and never show it to anyone. Frankly, half the problems in some of these stories here (the terrible grammar in most of them, typos, and random plots) could be solved just by writing it all out first.

[Monkeysrule]

That's what the feedback forum is for.

So are my stories bad or anything? :sad:

[Anareth]

That's what the feedback forum is for.

So are my stories bad or anything? :sad:

Note I didn't mention anyone by name, so you are not the only person this was directed at. But since you asked...

Well, they're not bad, but from the standpoint of someone expecting proper fan fiction, not RP-style posts, which is what they're more like, they're not good, either. You have a real issue with telling instead of showing, and in "The Secret Weyr" you have too many characters, insufficient description of setting, rushed/lacking character development, and a rather random plot line that's a pain to follow. Now, "The Dragon Hunters" is much better, but again, it's very obvious you're just posting as you go. Which is a shame because your description is light-years better than in the other one, and by focusing on just one character you're doing a much, much better job developing him. You also aren't rushing through the plot like you seem to be in "The Secret Weyr", which is good because of the two, frankly, "The Dragon Hunters" is the better idea. In fact I love the concept--it's daring, and we don't often see daring in Pern fic. Heck, I'm not usually daring in Pern fic. And your handling of setting and character is so much better in this one, that with a little polishing it could be great.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I don't critique to be mean. I'm speaking as someone who's been writing fan fic for about twelve years now, and yes, I've done some real doozies in my time. In fact I even rewrote a fic once because, two years on from writing it, I looked back and realized, "Hey--this is crap. And it could be better." I had people step in for me way back when, so I tend to do it now.

[Monkeysrule]

Don't forget, I'm younger than you may think. But I agree about "Secret Weyr". But then, it was my first ever fanfic on anything. Do you have any tips in characterizing Wallan? Maybe you should post this on the Dragon Hunters feedback thread instead of here. I'm very, very bad at characterizing (You could say it is like the way Todd McCaffrey does it- all plot and no character. Except an ametuer version). And I definitely don't want a Gary Stu.

[Lily]

y'know, age has nothing to do with it.
Anareth's advice is excellent and well worth taking notice of, no matter what your age.
Carry on writing and using your imagination, Monkey, and I hope you find your story, and the critiques, improve if you take more time over the presentation before you show them to us

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

That's one of the big hurdles I've had to overcome, showing rather than telling. Attraio helped me out alot with that. If you can manage to write expressing emotion through the character and *showing* through your words with action/reaction etc. what is happening in a scene, rather than just telling and explaining, it helps all the more to visualize whats happening and connect with your character on a more personal level. I know it's easier said than done, but it is a quality in writing that is WELL worth the work and practise toward it, and you'll be even more proud of yourself after :D Good luck with your writing! :ok:

[Brenda]

Even if you don't want to wait to finish the story, it's a good idea to be writing it in a word document that you can save. And even if you don't want to do that, try this: before you click "send" to post whatever you're posting, just stop and read the whole thing carefully; you're more likely to catch something when you go back and read it than when you're trying to get your ideas typed in before they fly away! :typing:

[Brenda]

Also, what I've been doing is using "edit" to add to my story so it's all one post instead of ten posts with two paragraphs each. I think that helps the story seem more continuous.

[Anareth]

Brenda makes another good point--if you're working in a word-processing program, you can save things! Not having a backup copy would drive me bonkers.

Monkeysrule--I'll reread "The Dragon Hunters" and give it some thought, then take it to that thread. Like Lily says, though, age doesn't matter. It means you might have fewer life experiences to draw on, and you don't immediately have the writing skills, but it also doesn't mean you can't start picking those skills up, either.

[Ghyle]

There are a few very interesting articles by H. P. Lovecraft about writing, which he developed into a piece for correspondents. I'll try to write up a piece summarising and exploring his points for here, and I'll post it up in the relevant forum.

One thing that I would like to suggest is that you read, and not just Pern. A really good author to read is Edgar Allan Poe, because with his short fiction he is determined, in many cases, to explore unity of mood: everything in a short story works to develop one mood, and one mood alone. You can see something of the sort in the short piece of fiction I posted, where I try and make everything hinge around a decision, and make it an unspoken and vital part; mood, atmosphere, not plot, was what I wanted.

[Cavatica]

One thing that I would like to suggest is that you read, and not just Pern. Yes. YES. I was just trying to make this same point in another thread. Glad to see I'm not completely insane.

Also, Poe totally rules.