A Threat Unforeseen

[Brenda]

I like this! I remember when it was just the intro; I like that there's now a story set in that situation.

Two things that would make it easier to read:

Leave it in the normal font; the bigger font is distracting to me.

It's pretty well established to put Dragon and rider dialogue in italics rather than quotes, to distinguish it from verbal speech. That was the hardest part for me to get through.

I didn't have time to read the whole thing, but I can hardly wait!

[Bamy]

Cool, I will sort things out when I have finished my exams, I will add part two on as well once it is finished and edited.

[Anareth]

You've got a grammer problem that's driving me bonkers as I read:


“Don’t forget to email us. You have our addresses and you can always visit us when you impress and when your dragons are flighted.” Anna replied, including Dan in the conversation.


“When? That much confidence in us? I’m flattered.” Laughed Dan before getting a punch on the arm by Maya


“Just don’t forget your friends.”


“Oh don’t worry we’ll keep in regular contact” chorused Dan and Alaris.



How it SHOULD read:



“Don’t forget to email us. You have our addresses and you can always visit us when you impress and when your dragons are flighted,” Anna replied, including Dan in the conversation.


“When? That much confidence in us? I’m flattered,” laughed Dan, before getting a punch on the arm by Maya


“Just don’t forget your friends.”


“Oh don’t worry we’ll keep in regular contact,” chorused Dan and Alaris.

When you're writing dialogue, the punctuation goes within the quotation marks, and the dialogue tag isn't capitalized.

Not: "I'm flattered." Laughed Dan.

But: "I'm flattered," laughed Dan.

Or: "I'm flattered!" laughed Dan.

[Bamy]

I will fix it once my laptop is fixed, thanx for the critique.

[Bamy]

ooh thanx for pointing that out devcca