Peter and the Camel Amulet

[Brenda]

I like the story so far, but I have a big nitpick -
Please take it out of the large size. It takes forever to scroll down, and is very distracting.

I have a story problem as well. When Peter is talking to his mother:
“I found an ancient Egyptian amulet when I went exploring too”
“That’s nice dear” she replied distractedly, checking over the discs before packing them into a cool box.
I cannot believe that an archaeologist would let that pass. Yes, he's a kid, but she would have wanted to make sure that an artifact found in the area they'd been searching wasn't lost or overlooked.

Nothing else major, except for some comma errors - particularly with quotes - and capitalizations. A few typos. If you have a spell checker, run it. If you have a grammar checker, run it. If not, I can run it and PM you the checked copy.

That said - I really do like the story - especially now that he can apparently talk to camels!

[Anareth]

Actually she'd probably rip him a new one. Admittedly, surface detrius isn't particularly valuable because the context has been destroyed, but you're still not supposed to go picking it up. Not to mention that in today's climate in Egypt that could be enough to get their liscense to dig revoked and their butts thrown out of the country. (Dr. Hawas is something of a fascist about it.) Egypt is a very hard place to work, archaeologically speaking, these days.

[Brenda]

Maybe if he said something other than "amulet" which right away sounds significant. I am very much reminded of the scene in "The Ship Who Searched" in which Tia had found an artifact that she KNEW was significant, and couldn't get the adults to take her seriously.

Also, wasn't Peter's mom talking about all the bronze things they had found? Wouldn't that have made him realize that they weren't looking for gold and silver?

As I said, I like the story - I want to find out what happens next!

[Bamy]

Thanks for the help I will get back to it, I just don't have much time at the moment, not to mention that I lost half of the next chapter when my last lappie got ill,(same happened with threat unforeseen):irked:

[Bamy]

I like the story so far, but I have a big nitpick -
Please take it out of the large size. It takes forever to scroll down, and is very distracting.

I have a story problem as well. When Peter is talking to his mother:

I cannot believe that an archaeologist would let that pass. Yes, he's a kid, but she would have wanted to make sure that an artifact found in the area they'd been searching wasn't lost or overlooked.

Nothing else major, except for some comma errors - particularly with quotes - and capitalizations. A few typos. If you have a spell checker, run it. If you have a grammar checker, run it. If not, I can run it and PM you the checked copy.

That said - I really do like the story - especially now that he can apparently talk to camels!Good points, I will alter that at some point soon (I hope)

[Bamy]

Actually she'd probably rip him a new one. Admittedly, surface detrius isn't particularly valuable because the context has been destroyed, but you're still not supposed to go picking it up. Not to mention that in today's climate in Egypt that could be enough to get their liscense to dig revoked and their butts thrown out of the country. (Dr. Hawas is something of a fascist about it.) Egypt is a very hard place to work, archaeologically speaking, these days.The Idea I had was that the camp was some way from the dig, but the points are well made even though I was trying to make out that he made things up on a regular basis.(obviously I didn't do that well enough)

[Bamy]

oh and remember, this is meant to be a kid's story so it isn't going to be very long.