Kalina's Untitled Story

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

I was very impressed with this begining! It was well written and explained, and I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter to learn more :bouncy: Just several punctual mistakes, but that is of course expected since it's a rough version.

I have only one question about it: in the begining, it says that this Guild isn't supposed to be known to exist. So how would Ytana know to be surprised when it was mentioned by a 'tourist'? But after that, all the concepts are very well brought out :good:

[Weyrwoman Kalina]

Ahhh.. that one's easy to answer. It says that she was surprised to learn this after a few drinks.. meaning he revealed this part of the charter to her after those few drinks.

Sorry if it wasn't clear. :) I'll revise that in the next version. ;)

As far as the punctual errors... care to point any out?

[queenrider melody]

It's very good indeed, Kalina. The one thing that is making me want to read more is actually the character Ytana. She's one of those characters that you just have feeling will need to pass some heart-breaking absticle before the end of the book.

[Weyrwoman Kalina]

It's very good indeed, Kalina. The one thing that is making me want to read more is actually the character Ytana. She's one of those characters that you just have feeling will need to pass some heart-breaking absticle before the end of the book.

OOoo... I do like that reaction. And we'll just have to see, won't we? :evil: I already really like my first main character though. :heartbeat ;)