DragonsBane, call of Blood.

[RobinBradbery]

Let me have it. I'm a big girl. :good:

[Brenda]

I really like it so far; there were a few misplaced/misused punctuations, and a few typos (dragonriders would probably be "leeches", not "leaches"). One thing that irritated me was the large text; it is very distracting for some reason. You might want to just have it normal size, and you might want to run it through a spell/grammar checker; and you might want to post the rest of it SOON!!!

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

I really enjoyed this story! Good characterization and I love your style. It kept me interested right from the beginning, keeping me wondering just what these characters were up to. Not all that often a fanfic writer can both write in a proper form in intriguing style and have a story that keeps me wondering, so I can't wait to read the following installments! :applause:

There were just a couple minor problems, just a typo and punctual error.

He would not rely on dirty, over-worked drudges to provided him with suitable drinking vessels and he knew that his cup would not contain any “unwanted substances”. Just the 'd' should be removed.

It must have taken the animals last strength to swim to shore and pull himself free of the clinging current. It should be animal's as it is posessive.

[RobinBradbery]

Thanks guys. I made the changes and tweeked it a bit to help the flow.

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

Do we really have to wait a week between installments? :eek: Even just this long is torture :tantrum:

How many parts are there?

[RobinBradbery]

It depends on how I split it. Probibly around 30. I will slip in a few a week. Hows that?

(Robin who is enjoying tortureing Bronzie.)

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

30! Wow! If you'd kept it at only one a week you'd have people after your throat :evil: A few a week is much better thank you :bouncy:

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

An excellant continuation with your second part, sturdy characterization so far. :good: Just another couple small things:

Whereas he loathed Dragonriders with ever fiber of his being, he loved dragons. Just add a y.

He “assigned himself” to a crew that was going in a favorable direction. It may just be a personal quirk, but to me it seems like it sould rather just be 'assigned' in quotations.

My only real problem is that they are too short :angel:

[rider_of_the_last_queen]

It was very good. I love it. Very good discription and a very nice story line. Keep it up!

[rider_of_the_last_queen]

Please notify me when you update! thanx!

[Weyrsinger]

I like this :) Good characterisation, and leaves me wanting to know more :good:

[TamTam]

I really like this story, Robin. It grabbed me right from the start and held on throughout. There's nothing like a little mystery to keep a person reading, and you've got that going on here. I can't wait for the next installment!

[RobinBradbery]

Sorry about the slowness. The Flash card I kept the original story on went kaput so I am working on polishing up an older version. :banghead: I think the story will be about 10 installments now that I have figured the Word to KT size conversion.

You know, I never really thought of this story as a mystery story but really it is isn't it? Why does Lain hate Dragonriders? Why did Seth suicide? Who was Seths' rider?:cool:

It will all be answered, I assure you.:good:

[Brenda]

If it's in Microsoft Word, you need to do a grammar check. You are making consistent punctuation mistakes.

That said, hurry up with the rest of the story already!

A few things:

It took Lain `till almost mid-morning the next day to traverse the rocky and bramble covered terrain. 'Till is not grammatically correct. It is only acceptable as dialogue, where grammar is not always going to be correct. As narration, it should be until.

He needn’t worry about the door staying open, however, due to it tendency to close on it’s own. Both of those should be its.

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

Craving... more... story.... :drool:

[RobinBradbery]

Sorry guys.Please forgive me. I have been on vacation, i.e. deer season. I will post more soon. Hopefully today.

Poor Lain really needs to get out of the hospital wing and into some mischief!

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

No worries, RL comes first ;) Besides, the wait just builds anticipation :D

[RobinBradbery]

There ya go.

I know the story isn't moving very fast but I assure you that all that has happened, had a reason for happening.

[Nurianna]

I feel like a small Oliver Twist asking for more....


: puppyeyes:More?: please:

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

:laugh: What she said :D

And don't worry about the pace, I'm enjoying the whole thing! That shows a truly good writer, when they can keep your intrest all the way through the more slowly paced parts ;)

[Brenda]

Yes! I'd rather have a story that takes its time rather than shoving the important things at you with no details to make you care. But hurry up!

[LuvMatisse]

Love the story! :applause: Robin, how can I read your other stories? Are they posted somewhere?:)

[RobinBradbery]

Love the story! :applause: Robin, how can I read your other stories? Are they posted somewhere?:)


Hmmm lets see. I don't think I reposted all of the old KT stories here. Maybe I should? Anyway, here are the ones I have posted here.

Dragons Lost (Short Pern Story)
http://annemccaffreyfans.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3980

Little Queen (Pern Poem and one of my favorite works)
http://annemccaffreyfans.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3979

Strange Afternoon (Very short non-pern story)
http://annemccaffreyfans.org/forum/showthread.php?t=4408

Dragons Gift and The Heart of a Dragon have not been reposted to this site. I can do so if anyone is interested.

[Brenda]

All this demand and you're not sure if you should post more stories? *smack*

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

:rofl2: I agree! Please post your stories for us greedy Pern beggers! :D

[RobinBradbery]

Ok I put up Dragons Gift. I will have to get The Heart of a Dragon from another computer, so maybe tomorrow.

[Mayhem]

Robin... for the second time I have read Dragons Gift...
For the second time I sobbed myself silly.

Beautiful story, well written... Words can't describe it.

:applause: :bow:

[Monkeysrule]

I really enjoyed reading it. There's a certain flow and serenity that few writers can achieve. The pace is just right, and all I have to suggest to improve it is to POST MORE!! :applause:

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

Other than just minor technical grammatical things, that story is just perfect. As Red said, I broke down and sobbed, it was so beautiful, yet heartbreaking. :cry: :bow: