Jaxomina: Daughter of Ruatha

[rider_of_the_last_queen]

Gone on and place your comments here. Good or bad is fine with me. It just means that you're reading my story. :D

Rider_of_the_last_queen:)

[Ryuu]

Looks interesting--looking forward to more

One suggetion, though--try itallicizing the dragons' speech.

[Kath]

Okay, so Jaxom's of such an advanced age that he's about to stand down as Lord Holder, and F'lessan is still described as "handsome".

Hmmm....

Well, seeing as Anne doesn't bother keeping ages consistent, it's hard to criticise a fanfic for the same flaw, but still, I want to. Plus, there's the creeping spectre of an impress gold/maiden flight with Golanth/happy-ever-after plot rattling away in the corner, which I'm hoping will be avoided like the plague... but hey, that's just my personal preference. It's readable, at least, which makes it a lot better than many other fanfics I've seen, but I'll leave off any more comments until the plot progresses a little.

Ah, whatever, I can't resist. What happened to the Pernese Renaissance? Women having careers instead of being breeders? The influence of a dynamic Sharra on her daughter? Role models such as Menolly? With the end of thread just ten-ish turns away and an overpopulated northern continent, why is Jaxomina faced with life as a brood mare?

[rider_of_the_last_queen]

Lol! I guess I'm just not good at writing Pern fanfics. I'll have to go back and change that stuff. thanx for reminding me of that. For some reason I was thinking of Moreta while I was writing this part of the fanfic. I'll fix it up and you can check it out then. K? Tell me if I got it right then. All right?

[Brenda]

I cannot believe that after his oppressed childhood, Jaxom would make his daughter marry someone she has no desire to marry.

[rider_of_the_last_queen]

Lol! I made some changes to it. Read it now. K? You might like it better now.

[Brenda]

Sorry, but I want to know who this guy named Jaxom is. This is not the Jaxom I'm familiar with. He would encourage his children to follow their dreams and their hearts. And ignoring the fact that he isn't Jaxom, I find it hard to believe that anyone in that much of a rage would cool down so quickly.

[Shalyn]

I really hate coming to this forum on lunchtime, looking for a title that sounds interesting, then finding out that the story has been deleted because the person writing it can't take criticism, even though they ask for it.

One reason for criticism, fan fic or original fic, is to help you make your writing better. If everyone who was ever criticised on their fiction got into a snit and removed their stories, we'd never have any books.

Oh, and one more thing. It really ticks me off that someone would do this, because whenver I post a fic, I get no feedback. Or very little. Not as much as this.

[Kath]

Actually, I was quite impressed with Rider's previous action regarding feedback - she'd actually acted on it in a positive manner, which isn't all that common. Far too often, people are too attached to their words to be willing to make major changes. But, I was also disappointed to see her take the story down - I don't think many people are capable of writing a story which can't be criticised in some way, and it takes a long time to even approach decent quality fiction. We don't expect perfection here - we like to see people use their imaginations to entertain us, and at the same time improve on their writing skills.

Even the issues that some readers have had with Jaxom can be worked around - and just think of all those people who read it who didn't feel strongly enough to add their own comments. Maybe he found that a progressive stance was getting him nowhere in the Lords Holder council, or maybe he's got a degenerative brain disease that's affecting his rationality? And, if people still can't get their heads around such a large change in characterisation, why, then there'd be no problem with simply transplanting the plot to a new set of unknown characters, would there?

One reason why that option might be an issue is if Rider is uncertain of her own characterisation skills, and feels more comfortable using established characters. The options are then to pick a different set of characters, like Debera's family, or to WORK on characterisation specifically.

But please, please please, don't be disheartened, and don't stop trying.

[Brenda]

I really have no problem with the story; I can perfectly well accept that a character would force his daughter to marry and forbid her to be a candidate for a Hatching. I just can't accept that Jaxom would be such a character. If you rewrite it with different names I would like to know the rest of the story! I'm sorry you thought I came down on you so hard, but sometimes it's better to invent characters than to try to manipulate established ones in a way that they should not go.