Harry Potter, the Uber Stu.

[Something Evil]

Make sure to keep bleach and spork(or any other weapon of choice), as I present to you one of the very worst pieces of Harry Potter fanfiction I have had the misfortune of stumble across:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2655491/1/


SE, off to hunt down the author.

[Bamy]

:crazy: I read as far as the first paragraph...:roll:

[Something Evil]

Try reading the whole thing.
But then I have suffered a lot of badfics in the past..

*Shudders*

[C_ris]

Oh my! :crazy:

*uses Cheesegrater of DOOM on the author* :lock:

[Kaoru]

Oh my! :crazy:

*uses Cheesegrater of DOOM on the author* :lock:

Can I borrow that? I need something to put my eyes out of their misery. :crazy:

[Milo]

I can't get past the first few paragraphs right now.

Feed the author to the smurfs.

[Aurelia]

Oh, my gosh! That's the most sickening fanfic I've read in a long time!

[T'ley]

:eek: :banghead: :banghead: :crazy: :faint: I stopped reading it quickly. It was appauling!!!!!!! The auther should be :gag:

[cwolf]

1) I read the first paragraph, and the one involving the daughter of some random person I never got the name of... I thought NC-17 was banned on ff.net.

2) It pre-dates this contest offered up on another website.

http://tthfanfic.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=1409&st=0&#entry14783

[Staerwyen]

:crazy: I read as far as the first paragraph...:roll:
Made it further than I did then. Seriously first two sentences were enough for me.

[Silver]

OMG I read the whole thing and while it is apallingly bad, it's also hilarious. too bad this person didn't come up with their own world.... would be almost a good author in a different world.

[Kitsch]

I have no words.

:banghead: :eek:

[Rabble]

GAFF it!

[Sophia Caligo]

I have no words.

:banghead: :eek:


I have words. I just can't use them here.

Oooh, how about these words!

Something Evil hated the author.
Amy B hated the author.
c_ris hated the author.

*stops self before imploding*

[Vyon]

:evil: So, run him over with your dalek when you do find him. :evil:

[j_mercuryuk]

I'm finding it hard to believe that they are actrually serious, I mean that is nothing like harry. They've completely changed him.......*contiues to read*........This author can't be serious.



But one day, Harry knew, he would take revenge. He would hurt all those people, his uncle, his aunt, his cousin, his cousin’s friends, the man with the red eyes. He would kill them.
.....oooooooooook, Harry's a pchopath.



he would give them nothing. Nothing except death and pain. Harry was not evil

I beg to differ.


Harry had a secret, a secret that he told no one.
He had laser eyes!

[j_mercuryuk]

'Ah,’ he thought, ‘the similarities are quite amusing.’ If he had thought rationally, Albus Dumbledore should have thought ‘Jesus Christ! We need to get this boy into safety, and treat him well! He must not go back to his relatives!’ Unfortunately, Albus was a little caught up in his amusement to actually ponder the similarities between Harry Potter and Tom Riddle
I won't even dignfy that with a proper response.

I haven't finished chapter one and I have discucovered that the author is American (no offer, just the ill information on English life) by these two simple lines:

and filched his uncle’s pistol. The pistol was a nice one, since Vernon thought he needed real protection, and a revolver would not do

Erm, you don't find guns just lying around a house of someone in England. Not a useable one anyway.


He walked down the road, and past Magnolia crescent, grabbing a bus to London

Yes, because you can regularly catch a bus from SURREY to LONDON in the middle of the night. I don't know about America, but buses in places like Surrey don't run in the middle of the night. In fact there might not even be a bus to London if it's not on the closer side to London, a coach maybe. (I'm going by life in Essex, about the same distance as Surrey from london).


Wel at least he hasn't got his characters using dollars and talking about high school in England.

[Something Evil]

Hmm, what about some of us worked together to MST it?

Could be fun...

:goodevil:

[j_mercuryuk]

MST? What does that mean?

I've just got off the phone to JB, he was practially begging me to stop reading half way through the first paragragh. :devil:

You know, me and JB just wrote a chapter of our fanfic where we turned all the fellowship into Stus, not even trying did it come anywhere closer to this..this...****.

[Something Evil]

This should explain it :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MSTing

[j_mercuryuk]

Sounds fun :D

[Just Bob]

That is, quite simply, the Best piece of literature ever!!!
Truly, the Hawk the Slayer of fanfics. The author (a Mr. Stained Future, but just Stained to his mates) has just sucked all the awesome out of the world and placed it into one fanfic. I only read up to the end of the first chapter, since I suspect that it would be too much for me to read further and my brain would start oozing out of my ears.:rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: :worship:
I think it gets more readable if you repeat, every few lines, the phrase used early on:
"Harry was not evil, he knew that..."
Those who have read up to or near the end of the first chapter will see what I mean. As it goes on, the phrase gets more and more hilarious. I think this may actually be one of those pieces of work that is truly beyond parody.

What worries me is that the content of the fanfic (in all it's awesomeness) is actually reasonably well written, with hardly any errors of spelling or grammar. Normally, stuff like this is so badly written that it's nearly illegible. The writer must be either a near-adult (or full adult) who should know better, or a an early teen with excellent writing skill, which is even more shameful.
Never mind, though, everyone needs to see this fanfic. It's an object lesson in terribleness/awesomeness.

[Something Evil]

Aaaand, he has updated.

Really need to get around to that MSTing...

[Something Evil]

My brain..., my poor brain....

*spork*

[j_mercuryuk]

That abd then. Is it wrose then the rest?

[sglandon]

I don't feel well.... (is there a puke smiley?) Like Just Bob said, it makes it worse that you can actually read it without a struggle (I mean the actual reading, not the comprehending). Ewww... just eww... WHY did you have to post that? :eek:

[TamTam]

GAFF it!
I second that, except I suspect that they might have already found it. If they haven't, they certainly slipped up. This is snark-worthy.

ETA: It's right here: http://www.godawful.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=22302
Be warned before you click, there are "colourful metaphors" on here. dont liek dont reed :evil:

[Sophia Caligo]

OMG! I loved it!
I read the entire page. :bouncy: I feel better now.