To date or not to date? That is the question.

[Levallia]

I've been trying to figure this out on my own for a pretty long time, and I think I need a few good, unbiased oppinions. Theres this guy that I like: Pros-he likes the same anime, manga, video games, movies, T.V. shows, etc. as me, he's lots of fun to be around, he makes me laugh as no one else can, he's an artist, and he seems like the kind of guy who would really appreciate me. Cons-he's 2 years younger than me, kinda' immature (o.k., very), and he just got back today from a 7 week stay in alternative school for threatening another kid with a knife (he wouldn't have really hurt him, the other kid was teasing him and he was just trying to scare him away; besides, if you knew the dork he threatened you'd totally understand, though it's still no excuse).

So what do y'all think? Before the incident, I would definately have dated him, but now he's considered a felon. With a criminal record it will be very difficult for him to go to college or get a job and I'm afraid that if we ended up together, I'd be having to support the both of us financially on my own. But I REALLY like him, so I can't trust my own judgement on this. Please help me. :sad:

[Mayhem]

You need to stop right now.

I am going to be blunt here as I have been down a similar path so many times.

'But we get on so well'

'We like the same stuff'

'Sure he threatened someone but he would NEVER normally do it'

'OK, so he threatened me but he PROMISED to never do it again'

'Well, he hit me, just a little hit across the shoulder. He will never do it again he is sorry and he loves me'

'He didn't beat me up! He hit me a couple of times and anyway I deserved it And anyway, it was a one off'

'Bruises? Oh I tripped and fell down the stairs. He was SO helpful when we went to the hospitel to get my arm and ribs fixed'

'He loves me, he hits me because he cares. I need to be a better girlfriend'

'Oh she was such a nice girl. Why didn't she lose him before this happened. People shouldn't be buried so young. I wonder if the police will ever find him?'

Over dramatic?

Not always. For YEARS I had boyfriends I made excuses for.

Shaun... Andy... Tom... Craig... Graham... Peter... Darren... He beat that lad up cos he was a geek. He hit me because I said something silly. I can't leave him now, I love him and I don't mind the odd hit now and then.

ALL of the major relationships in my life have started with someone who 'Only did it the once and wouldn't normally do it, honest'

I spent from the age of 15 having the crap beaten out of me by assorted men. You take it for granted after a while. You find one, you get on well and Oh, he shows a slightly darker side to him. Nevermind! You love him and get on SO well... After you leave him after you get kicked down the stairs and miscarry you find another JUST like him but he is different... He would NEVER do it to you!

SIX years after taking beatings I realised that I was wrong to say he would never do it to me...

You do NOT need someone like that!
And the fact you posted here to ask for advice shows that you know it too.
You may choose to listen or not, but if you choose not to think on this. I spent 6 years getting beaten, I miscarried twice. I nearly died from head injuries seven times. I hae had 14 broken bones in six years, but that's ok! Because they loved me and they would never do it again, they would stop and take care of me.

The last one, Darren, is now in jail, 11 years. He beat someone so badly that she died in hospital of internal injuries 4 hours after they brought her in. Her baby survived and is now with her parents.

This post is over the top?
Good. You have qualms deep down, you posted here for advice?
Be a clever lass and follow that instinct that made you draw back a little and look at him again.


*EDIT*

I did NOT post this for sympathy before I get accused of it again :roll: I posted this here to show what COULD (Not WILL, COULD) happen. I learned from all of it.

[Dux]

2 years younger - no problem
threatened someone with a knife - BIG PROBLEM

There is a problem with a person who decides the best solution to an annoyance is to threaten bodily harm.

[Bronze-Dragonrider]

What they said. Age doesn't really matter to me, but mental maturity and violence do. Violence is a huge issue, especially when physically unprovoked. No matter how annoying someone is, threatening with a knife is comepletely unacceptable, and if he's willing to go to THAT length, you never know what else he could do. People sometimes tend to keep violent tendancies covered over, and if you're in a relationship, if those come out, it is NOT good news.

While the next thing isn't as serious, it's still an issue. Maturity. If he's acting immature (not just silliness now and then, but an overall outlook) that could bring up some serious problems later on. I suppose it depends on what sort of commitment you're looking for, but if you want something long term, wouldn'y you rather have someone who will be able to handle situations with a more broad, mature stance than an immature one? At that age, it's something that can be improved with time, but it's much safer to start off with someone who you know is already capable than risk heartbreak with someone who may not be able to handle some situations or treat you in the way that you deserve.

[Milo]

"Not to date".

The reasons have already been stated.

[Rabble]

2 years younger - no problem
threatened someone with a knife - BIG PROBLEM

There is a problem with a person who decides the best solution to an annoyance is to threaten bodily harm. Agreed. Pulling a 'live' (sharp) blade on someone is an over-reaction for mere 'teasing'. If he was being bullied and was scared for his saftey... well, that's slightly different.
But remember that once the live weapon is in someones' hand, it's very, very easy to make an even *bigger* mistake - if he's a friend,

and I'm afraid that if we ended up together, I'd be having to support the both of us financially on my own. But I REALLY like him, so I can't trust my own judgement on this. Please help me. :sad: Remember, a relationship is a partnership. If you're living with someone, they should always pay their way, even if they don't have a very good job.


If you like him and have fun with him, keep him as a friend. If it's going to be as hard for him to get an education/career as you suggest, he's going to need a good friend more than a girlfriend.

[Levallia]

Thanks, y'all. I'v just been so confused because he never showed any violent tendencies before and he's always so nice to me. The only time I'd ever seen him threaten someone was once when he grabbed a guy by the collar of his shirt, pinned him to the wall and told him to leave me alone (the guy was one of the 3 sexually harassing me).
Now that I've thought about it some more and read what y'all have to say, I don't think I'm going to try for a relationship. Thanx again.:)