The Green Chair

[Shamira]

I had this green chair that was so comfortable but I had to leave it behind. I wondered where it has gone or who has it now, etc. I'm just weird to think about a chair. It was like a comfortable pair of slippers, if ya know what I mean. I hope my poetry isn't to bad. I'm not really good at it but thought I'd give it a jab. It needs work but I'll be back to tweek it a bit. :)

My Ghostly Green Chair

My green chair sits in a corner,
staring at me , mocking me.
It was a good chair as sleek as it could be,
with wooden legs and semetry.
It knew me well,
for it was mine.
I sat in it from time to time.
Over the years, <-- (edited)
it creeked and groaned,
till it could no longer hold it's own.

In it's short life it knew me well.
It knew my joys and my pleasures,
it knew my saddness and sorrows,
it knew my triumphs and tribulations,
it knew me to no end.
It was like having a very close friend.
It cloaked me in comfort and pleasure,
with it's snug fit and strong arms.

How I treasured to sit in it on cold winter days.
To feel safe and snug through out the days.
My chair has long since departed, (edited again)
but that doesn't keep me from wondering.
What has become of my beloved chair?
I wonder if it hold someone elses dreams or has it seen it's days.
I miss that favorite chair of mine.
I think of it fondly from time to time.
I see it in that corner staring at me, mocking me.


Till next time.... :wave:

[Shamira]

I had no replies so I am assuming it really stunk. Oh well, maybe no replies is a good thing. No negative coments to slay me. :)

[Priscilla]

Nope, it didn't stink. Sometimes I think the poetry section gets a lot more viewings than comments. There's a couple of spelling "bits" you might want to check on. . . in the fourth line you've got "cemetry" and I think you're looking for symmetry. Also, in the ninth line you've got "creeked" and I think you wanted creaked? (Sorry to be a spelling "nut", I usually don't do that, but in a poem, I kind of feel it's extra important).

Here's a thought. You look like you're remembering the chair, which isn't there anymore? How about changing the first line to something like "The ghost of my green chair . . ." maybe not that exactly, but something so that it's more obvious that the chair isn't there anymore? In line eight, you use "time" for the third time in two lines. How about something along the lines of "With the passing of the years . . ." And, last paragraph. Instead of having the chair "expire" (which to me means it's gone to that great junk yard heaven in the sky, and NO one could be sitting on it anymore) how about saying it "disappeared"?

There. Now who says no one looked at your poem?! ;) And, I hope you don't take my comments as being negative, because I do like what you've got, and you did say you wanted to tweak it?! :redfruit:

[Shamira]

Thanks Priscilla.

Hmmm , my chair has long since departed?, I think that sounds like a better line. As for the part
"With the passing of time," I should just delete it.

[Brenda]

You still need to fix the spelling - and you don't need to mark where you've edited, it really interrupts the poem! It's a good poem, although I find it strange that this chair you obviously were very attached to, "think of fondly", is now "ghostly," "staring" and "mocking"... it's really a little creepy...

I am going to copy it below and mark some spelling and mechanical errors.
Errors are in red, followed by the correction in blue.

My green chair sits in a corner,
staring at me , mocking me.
It was a good chair as sleek as it could be,
with wooden legs and semetry.symmetry
It knew me well,
for it was mine.
I sat in it from time to time.
Over the years, <-- (edited)(remove)
it creeked creaked and groaned,
till it could no longer hold it's its own.

In it's its short life it knew me well.
It knew my joys and my pleasures,
it knew my saddness sadness and sorrows,
it knew my triumphs and tribulations,
it knew me to no end.
It was like having a very close friend.
It cloaked me in comfort and pleasure,
with it's its snug fit and strong arms.

How I treasured to sit in it on cold winter days.,
To feel safe and snug through out the days.
My chair has long since departed, (edited again)(remove)
but that doesn't keep me from wondering.
What has become of my beloved chair?
I wonder if it hold holds/has held someone elses dreams or has it remove?seen it's itsdays.
I miss that favorite chair of mine.
I think of it fondly from time to time.
I see it in that corner staring at me, mocking me.

-----

Very nice though!