Seniors dating freshmen?

[NeouofPern]

I bring this up because recently I noticed a trend. A number of Seniors (12th grade, 18 years old often) are now dating freshmen (9th grade, most often 14 years old). Do you think this is wrong? Recently, a friend of mine who turned 14 in September was asked out by a 16 year old.... I told her not to trust him, but I wish to know people's opinions on this subject.

[granath]

Females in their teens are often more mature than males at the same age. So I don't see a real problem with it. Except that IMO a 14 year old shouldn't be dating anyone yet. It's possible to be friends at any age.

For me dating means a relationship that is sexual in nature or at least has the potential of becoming so. You're not out on a date if you go out for a meal and don't even hold hands, unless you belong to some extreme religious group where casual contact between the sexes is only allowed between husband and wife and a couple isn't even allowed to hold hands unless they're engaged. My 16 year old cousin is dating a 23 year old, and her parents are okay with it.

I guess it depends on who's taking the initiative here. If it's a man who wants to deflower young girls then it's obviously bad. If it's a girl who seeks out older guys because she thinks the guys her own age are too immature, then I guess it's okay. Hard to tell the difference though, and that's why there are so many problems around the 18 year mark.

[C_ris]

18 year olds should not be dating 14 year olds. different things are likely to be wanted from the relationship. Frankly, then i think that it is wrong.

[NeouofPern]

*nods to both* It's increasingly popular for Seniors to go out with Freshmen at my school..... And I've seen 18 year olds out with 8th graders, who are just turning 14, if that!

[Mausey]

In Canada 18 is an adult and adults do NOT date children which is exactly what a 14 year old female is. Doesn't matter if females mature faster than males it's still wrong. Adults do not date children.

[jen]

Let's face it. It's so easy for the older of the two to manipulate the younger one into early sex. That's the goal anyway according to what my son told me when he was a senior.

[NeouofPern]

18 is legally an adult here too. Yah.... *shakes head* I just think it's wrong..... Very wrong....

[AnnMarie]

It needs to be looked at on an individual case basis.

When I was a freshman, 14, one of the senior boys wanted to ask me out, but knew I wasn't even allowed to date at that point. He asked a teacher what he should do, because he really liked being araound me. The teacher (Music/choral and a good family friend) talked to my mom. The result? My first date with Jeff was my 15th birthday. We dated for about two months. What broke us up wasn't him pressuring me for sex...it was my flustration that he wouldn't even hold my hand if my parents or (YOUNGER) brother were present.

If the older half of the pair can accept the restrictionsd of no sex and no drinking (drugs goes without saying reguardless of age!)(And you'd be surprised how many can and do), then there is nothing wrong with it. The relationship should be built on mutual interests, compatability, and respect. (That ALSO goes for any age)

I don't have problems with age gaps until the elder is say 19 to 15 and dating someone under 16. That's because I don't think it's probable for two people at those ages to have enough in common. A 15 year old isn't really going to want to go to a junior prom. A 15 year old can't get into bars or most dancehalls. SO, it's not the difference in ages I dislike and distrust, but the ages at the time.

[Caerwyddyn]

I think this subject has a great deal to how the younger (in this case, Girl) is brought-up and her expectations, limits of a Date/partner PLUS her level of self-respect.

My (under 18) daughter is dating a ''Man'', but they're so very compatable, it's certainly got the :ok: from Bobbsy and I.

Which daughter and what Man ?
;)

:evil:

[NeouofPern]

I know for certain that one of the girls dating an 18 year old is NOT ready for it. She was talking quite happily about throwing up after drinking too much at a party... In front of a teacher. o_0 And.... I can't even say what else there is that's public knowledge (may or may not be true) about her. But the fact that she was talking about getting drunk....

[Caerwyddyn]

I know for certain that one of the girls dating an 18 year old is NOT ready for it. She was talking quite happily about throwing up after drinking too much at a party...

Everyone makes mistakes...

It's if she makes a habit out of it that's important - and what do her Parents say or do if she does ?
*sigh*

I guess that's the bottom line...


:box:
Parental knowledge and guidance.
Although it is unfortunate that a goodly number of parents don't know what their teenagers get up to.....
THEY SHOULD !
:shake:
*You never stop being a Parent...
... just the dynamic changes with age!*

[Emmy]

I'm ok with it - within reason. In fact, what Ann-Marie said sums it up pretty well.

The guys I went out with while I was at school were one or two years older. Although, in my last year of school one of my (very short term) boyfriends was at least 4 years older than me (and looked like he was 14 years older. I'm not kidding - this guy's hairline began receding at 16).
I could, and did handle myself.

Here in Australia, the majority of High schools run from year 7-12. One friend of mine, a Year 12 was going out with a Year 7 girl. He copped a lot of nastiness about it. They are now 27 and 21 respectively and got married last year. He was one of the guys with the dirtiest minds/mouth, but never with her. They waited quite happily until she was legally old enough before they did anything, and even then not until she was ready. Funnily enough, before they started going out, I would have thought he was one of the last guys that could be trusted like that, but it turns out I was wrong.

For the record, although my partner and I didn't know each other until I was in my last 2 years at school, and didn't start going out until I was at University, he would have been in Year 12 (Senior) when I was in year 7.
For some people, age doesn't make a difference.

[NeouofPern]

Caerwynn, I can't even say what the most popular type of party is at my school. But drinking is very common. People talk about their parties and how drunk people got and what theywere smoking all the time. *shakes head* A lot of the kids are messed up.

[Madrigal]

I go to an extremely small school, so it's kinda inevitable. The biggest difference I've ever been part of was me (youngest sophmore) and ex-bf (oldest senior)--we talked it through before we went out, had a pretty great relationship knowing full well he'd be going to college, and then just broke it off on the end and said 'hey, if we're in town together sometime with more time, let's try this again.' My parents knew and didn't mind. I still recall that as one of the best relationships I've ever had, even if it didn't go all that far because of the time constraint (only a month until the end of school).

I think that if both sides know exactly what the other one wants out of it, and aren't expecting Eternal Love, and are equally mature or close enough... sure, go for it. If not, it'll end soon enough anyways. I don't see much of a problem.

Drinking and drugs are very common at my school. Neither of us were into that. The prom? I went quite willingly, and enjoyed myself. Small school, everyone knows anyone anyways. Most of the kids there thought I was a senior anyways, so no raised eyebrows there.

The only trouble is messy breakup+legal issues. Major has sex with minor (even over the age of consent), it's legally rape. It's just whether charges are filed, technically.

Sex? With us, the time was too short. It never got that far. I'm pretty sure it would have in three or four months, though; that is where dates head. We agreed to get tested for STDs and so on beforehand if by some chance it got that far, agreed to use birth control and condoms... and my mother talked to me about it and to his mother, and more or less said "OK, you two can handle it if you last awhile. Tell me when and I'll set up a gynecologist appointment."

We're still pretty good friends.

[jen]

Some links on the subject of teens and sex. The first link (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/georgia/etc/synopsis.html)deals with girls dating slightly older guys. The site is a little confusing to navigate but it is indepth.


Unfortunately, the Oprah website has taken down most of the links that pertain to the show. The short video preview (http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20020507.jhtml)on this page will shock you.
This Oprah page (http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20020507_b.jhtml;jsessionid=RB3BGMI1XEXV5LARAYIB3KQ)barely scratches the surface but is informative.

Just google it for more information.

[Ian]

The only trouble is messy breakup+legal issues. Major has sex with minor (even over the age of consent), it's legally rape. It's just whether charges are filed, technically.

See, this is the difference between the US & (I suspect) most of the rest of the Western world, certainly the UK & Europe. Once someone's over the age of consent they can do anything they like with anyone they like, no matter what the age difference, even though at 16 (the age of consent in the UK) they're still legally a minor. Sex & smoking are the two "adult" things you can do legally at 16 over here.

[granath]

A 16 year old having sex with a 17 year old in the US is technically OK, but not a 17 year old with an 18 year old?

[Madrigal]

It's a very weird law. I haven't heard of more than one case of someone actually calling it into play--and in that one case, it was the girl's grandmother who reported it, and I believe it got thrown out of court.

Probably a holdover from them good ol' Puritans... rather watered-down at that, but it's the only explanation I can think of. Or some lawmaker wanted to appease conservatives.

The age of consent here is 16, too, although there aren't all that many raised eyebrows for 15-year-olds, at least in blue areas. Driving also shows up here as well--some states allow learner's permits at 15, and some delay full licenses until 17. Then there's legal adulthood, smoking, voting and military service at 18 (the last is 17 with parental consent), and then drinking at 21. I'm among the group of people who think we should just stick everything at 17 or 18--makes it a lot easier to keep straight and gets rid of all these messy laws. Old enough to die in a war but not old enough to vote? To drink? Makes no sense whatsoever.

But then, it wouldn't be where we are if it did. ;)

[C_ris]

I can understand that there are certainly differnces with differnt people and in difeernt situations, but as a general rule of thumb, then an 18 yr old anbd a 14 yr old is wrong.

a 20 yr old and a 16 yr old uis slightly differert, but still (in my opinion) wrong. It is not the age difference, but the change which takes place between the ages which bothers me.

[Madrigal]

I can understand that there are certainly differnces with differnt people and in difeernt situations, but as a general rule of thumb, then an 18 yr old anbd a 14 yr old is wrong.

a 20 yr old and a 16 yr old uis slightly differert, but still (in my opinion) wrong. It is not the age difference, but the change which takes place between the ages which bothers me.

There are plenty of marriages that have far more than a 4-year difference... those aren't generally considered wrong until you get to the ridiculous/obviously gold-digging *coughPamelaAnderson*. Around what time do you think the differences level off, as it were?

[C_ris]

There are plenty of marriages that have far more than a 4-year difference... those aren't generally considered wrong until you get to the ridiculous/obviously gold-digging *coughPamelaAnderson*. Around what time do you think the differences level off, as it were?
i don't really know. No age sdiffernce is too large really in itself, ut the cahnges expected to take place within the time between the ages is more what matters to me.

[Madrigal]

What if one person has had those changes prematurely, and the other's a bit late?

Changes--physical, mental, emotional?

[Rabble]

I guess it depends on who's taking the initiative here. If it's a man who wants to deflower young girls then it's obviously bad. If it's a girl who seeks out older guys because she thinks the guys her own age are too immature, then I guess it's okay. Hard to tell the difference though, and that's why there are so many problems around the 18 year mark.
Just got to bring up one thing - women are just as capable of being a 'predator' as men. :ugg:

[I.L.Y.]

In my opinion, depending on the couple, it can be okay. One of my friend's parents are basically the equivelant of me dating a 4 year-old(they met when she, the younger one, was in college), and they're pretty danged happy as far as I know.

I know some 16 year olds that can handle what some 28 year olds can't and I know some that act like 12 year olds, but........that's just the way the chips fall. If both people in the relationship are mature enough to respect each other, it has, and should have, a good chance of succeeding.

But, I also wanted to add that in the US, the age of consent differs from state to state. We each decided it independently of the federal government. Here in Kansas, the age of consent is 16. Just 20 miles east of where I live, in Missouri, it's 18. Hope that helps with that confusion a little more.

[granath]

Just got to bring up one thing - women are just as capable of being a 'predator' as men. :ugg:

Well, that's true.

[Bamy]

18 year olds shouldnt dae 14 year olds hough i voted yes because i though this was in a university setting where people are mature enough to understand the age differences and overcome them.

[skysong]

I am now a freshman in college and I noticed the trend of senior guys going after freshman girls for one reason only. Fourteen year old girls are often at a transitional stage in thier life and can be can advantage of. So I do not think in most cases it should not be allowed.

[Lady Arwyn]

I *always* dated guys older than me. When I was 13 my first two boyfriends were either Juniors or Seniors (I forget which). Then when I was 14 I dated a Senior for two years. He joined the Army and I hated having a long-distance boyfriend. At one point he told me he wanted to marry me, he was just waiting for me to be old enough. I wasn't interested, I didn't consider him husband material, so that was the end of *that* relationship. So it wasn't him "using" me that was the problem, it was that he was ready to make it permanant!

I couldn't stand the guys my age, they were so immature, both physically and emotionally. I was also very tall (5'9 in 8th grade) and didn't like to be with shorter guys. And let me tell you, there aren't many guys taller than that in middle school.

Hey, and dating a Senior means getting to go to Prom and stuff too. And most of them have cars.

I think every guy I dated was a Senior, until I got to my senior year, the guys were out of school. One was in the Army. I wound up marrying a man 7 years older than me.

And to me "dating" means not going out with another person of the opposite gender, some kissing, etc. An exclusive relationship. It doesn't necessarily include sex.

[Silver]

went out with 2 guys my age and one that was 21 to my 17.... my aunt freaked with reason... all he wanted was sex and I wasn't ready.

funnily enough Yonuh is 7 and 1/2 years older than me. My aunt freaked out that too :roll:

[Anareth]

No. Especially not a 14-year-old (child) and 18-year-old (legal adult.) Frankly I'd be concerned about any 18-year-old who wanted to date someone that young. (No, I don't care about high school and throwing people together, etc. They have more important things they should be doing than dating in any case.) What in the world would someone see in a fourteen-year-old? Besides someone immature enough to be manipulated, that is. Once they're in their twenties and not quite so clueless, who is older and who is younger becomes less an issue (though as someone in her later twenties I don't have any desire to date someone four, five years younger--maybe when we're both in our thirties, but early twenties is still too mentally close to adolescence.)

[Valihi Wingsecond]

I think it depends on the two people more than ages. I'm almost nineteen, and dating a guy who's twenty-four, but age has never been an issue for us... Then again, thee's almost a thirty year difference between my parents... For me, it's personality, nto age, that makes a difference.

[granath]

My boyfriend's a few months short of 5 years younger than me, and we're very compatible, both physically and mentally. Things might've been different if we'd met five or especially ten years ago, though.

[dragon_dreams]

an 18 year old and a 14 year old I dont think is good, but an 18 year old and a 16 year old i have no problems with, i dont think 14 year olds should be dating but thats just my opinion :2cent:

[j_mercuryuk]

I think it depends on the two people more than ages. I'm almost nineteen, and dating a guy who's twenty-four, but age has never been an issue for us... Then again, thee's almost a thirty year difference between my parents... For me, it's personality, nto age, that makes a difference.

It's not really the age gap, it's the fact that one is 14 and the other is 18 (if you catch my meaning). Why would an 18 year old date a child? One thing springs to mind. Most 14 year old aren't mature enough to date people 4 years older then them. You grow up a hell of alot in 4 years, hell, at that age you grow up alot in one year. Yes, girls are a lot more mature then boys at that age, but they're not that much more mature.
There are exceptions (as there always are) of course.

[Xhack]

I think this one transcends the generation gap. At high school in the '60s, a Sixth Year (18) dating a Second Year (14) would evoke the same response; the terminology may be different but the sentiment remains. Then, cradlesnatcher; now, perv. Ewww!

Then, even Sixth Year/Fourth Year dating was gossip-worthy; Sixth Year/Fifth Year was somehow OK - tho' not common.

[Bobbsy]

It's all relative, isn't it?

Normally, 4 years isn't a big gap....but when it spans from adult to child, it's pretty significant.

Bobbsy

[Elisabetha]

It's all relative, isn't it?

Normally, 4 years isn't a big gap....but when it spans from adult to child, it's pretty significant.

Bobbsy

That about sums it up for me.
My husband is 4 years older than me. We met when I was 17 and he 21. Being 17 I still had a lot of growing up to do, but so did he, so we matched, the real surprise is that we still matched after we did the growing up.
I don't really think children should date and 14 is still a child to my mind. And they definitely shouldn't date 18 year olds. A 16 year old dating someone of 18 or 20 is ok, as long as they are both sort of equally mature. It is not without reason that most countries have 16 as the age of consent.

:bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy:

[Calla]

Ask guys why they date Freshmen (freshmeat) when they are Seniors? They'll tell you. They aren't one bit shy about it either.

*Freshmen are easy to impress (Look sweetie, I drive my own car!)
*They are at the bottom of the foodchain at school and are desperate to fit into the social scene at school and dating a senior is a good way to do that.
*Seniors have had 4 more years of experience in dating and they can use that experience to manipulate.

That's a quick list of what I have heard from older males who remember back to their high school years. They look ill when I remind them that there are senior males with those exact same plans waiting for their precious daughters to start high school.

[Sophia Caligo]

Freshman have only lived 3/4s of the life Seniors have lived.
Tis not fair to the freshman who are still experiencing.

While a four year age difference isn't significant after the age of 20, its very significant in the mental and physical development of teenagers.

<---feels like she's stealing from a psych book.

No. It shouldn't happen.

[Epiphany]

Personally I dont really have a problem with it. Ive dated a senior. Of course Im a sophmore but I dated him when I was 15 over the summer. It was great and he never pressured me into anything. He was always looking out for what was best for me. Of course we didnt last long but we're still good friends.

I do see girls dating older guys a lot though. Ive seen guys getting with 8th graders because they know that they can probably get some if they play their cards right :p That is stupid on his part, but also on the girls part for letting him talk her into it :p

I think its a lot a maturity, where as girls may mature faster but Im only a sophmore and there are some girls who are just Not Smart when it comes to making decisions about their bodies and what not. I do also know a lot who know better too. So I guess it does kinda depend on the individual case


Im for it if its for the right reasons like they actually Really enjoy being together, but if its just a fling for sex or access to drinking, then no I think its stupid.

Thats just me :redfruit:

[Greenrider Tresa]

Depends on the people involved. I know a couple in high school where one was a senior and the other a freshman...she ended up getting pregnant and now they have five kids, and are poor, last I heard.

[jjmouse]

18 year olds who date 14 year olds are losers. They are looking for someone who is immature. Who has no expectations and does not know any better.


If the girl is over 18, she may go out with whomever she pleases. What ever age she wants. Same with the guy.

The guy had best be on the very good side of the girl's parents. Else he can end up in jail. Sad but true. If the girl has been told she can not see the boy, she had best keep that in mind, for when the guy turns 18.

[Staerwyen]

I live in a time warp (as far as the "old ways" are concerned) So most people tend to think a 14 year old dateing a senior who for my class most of which were 19. Is fine. But I think its wrong for a lot of reasons, main one is unless the parents keep a VERY VERY close eye on the couple the girls wined up with kids. My class was lucky only one of the girls got pregnant. The clas under mine had 23 out of 40 girls with kids when I left....theres no telling how many more were added this year. Out of these girls the majority got pregnant their freshman or sophmore year while dateing a senior. Not saying that this is always the case or even that it happens like this everywhere. Just that this is the way it happens in my bass ackwards town. Some of you have heard me talk about this before and know that my feelings about my town are that your lucky if you make it out. But again not saying this is how it always is just that this is what Ive experienced.

[Lady Arwyn]

In my school high school seniors were mostly 17, only about half of them would turn 18 before graduation. Which means that at least during the beginning of the year, some of the seniors would only be 16 so there's not much of an age gap between that 14 year old who is dating a senior. a 14 year old is likely to be a sophomore! Anyone who is 18 (or older) at the beginning of the school year is most likely held back a grade at some point. Also, at my school we didn't have 9th grade, so the youngest students were usually 15 or so. Without alot of exposure to Seniors, there was VERY LITTLE dating between seniors and freshmen, who were housed at the junior high school two miles away.

I consider 13/14 to be an appropriate age for controlled dating, that is movies or a school dance, etc, parents drop them off at the event and pick them up again. 15 would be my minimum age for real dating, when a guy might pick up a girl for a date and he returns her home. Of course the guy MUST be 16 to drive, and by law in many places they can't have another minor in the car until they have 6 months or a year's driving experience. So for a "real" date that involves a car, at least one of the couple must be 17.

I tend to have problems with girls dating guys the same age, girls tend to be more mature and guys, well, most of them aren't worthy of a girl's attention yet. Especially at the junior high/middle school level (age 12-14).

I would say a two year age difference is completely acceptable/appropriate, three years if I approve of the guy, four years if I *really* like the guy as a match for my daughter. If she brought home a guy I didn't approve of OF ANY AGE I would push her towards him as hard as I could, talk about grandkids, etc, the fastest way of getting a girl to drop a guy like a hot potato :evil: :laugh:

I wonder how many people here know that the "age of sexual consent" is 16 in most states in the US and in most "developed" countries in the world? There are US states with ages of consent of as low as 14, even today. There are only 8 or so states that have 18 as the age of consent. So that 16 year old having sex with her 18 year old boyfriend may be perfectly legal and there is no possible repercussion against the 18 year old. Check out YOUR state/country at Age of Consent (http://www.ageofconsent.com)

[Shamira]

I voted "Other" since there was no "Depends" option. I think it depends on the individuals involved. I was a fresheman in HS and dated a few seniors. I hung out with them. Going to a prom would have been fun :) I also met older teens at a teen club the next town had. I wasn't sexually active till I was 17 and was never pressured into sex by any of them. They knew my standings. I say it can be possible but maturidy also plays a key roll. My senior boyfriends respected my decisions and if they didn't they got the door. My one boyfriend was a year younger them me so when I turned 18 and he was still 17.... geee I could have been arrested. :eek2: until he turned 18. That's a scarry thought and I would have never thought of it back then and with the 18 year old law of being a adult and him still being a minor. At 18 in my mind I was a teenager still. I don't think I considered myself an adult till I was 20.

I just saw the site for the Age of Consent. I was okay it was 16 for consent... whew. I did notice some states at 14 for consent. :eek2:

[woollymouse]

I've voted other as although some Teenagers at both ends of the spectrum can cope with such a relationship, the vast majority of females are not ready at 14 to cope with a relation, whereas 18 year olds are often just as confused or face peer pressure.